The Bean on the Job Scene: Adventures in Unemployment

I have fond memories of the days when I was sitting at my desk in a small office with nothing to do work-wise–or nothing interesting to do, anyway–so I happily spent my time penning daily editions of The Bean on the Scene.  You know, updating all the important news–Britney’s pregnancies (or speculations of), Paris’ wild nights out, which Laguna Beach stars were fighting, the premiere of the sure to be a hit new show The Hills, who Lindsey Lohan was hooking up with that day.  I commented on so many other ridiculous celebrity shenanigans that I can’t even begin to remember all of them.  What I DO remember though, with unusual clarity (for me anyway) , is how much I enjoyed writing.  And how much I enjoyed being able to write while I collected a more than decent paycheck for a job I should have left two years prior.  I did end up ditching this job–for another that I ended up hating just as much; one where I had to sit in an actual CUBICLE.  My previous small office was palatial compared to that little nook of hell– it came complete with Successories posters just to drive home the fact that I was buried in corporate America.  But, again–I came home with a steady paycheck.  

So, how do I now find myself clipping coupons (what are those?!), eating sandwiches for every meal (no more dinners out with the girls) and–the WORST part–not shopping??  Ugh.  Well, it’s called “chasing my dream” or something.  Although, I really don’t remember any part of my dream centering around cutting up my credit cards or trying to collect unemployment.  But here I am.  In the virtual unemployment line.  Yeah, there isn’t even a line to physically stand in these days–a positive change, even though for some odd reason that I can’t wrap my head around, I kind of wanted to do it at least once.  Call me crazy.  I’ll just chalk it up to wanting comic material to write about I guess.  

The one question I get almost every day is “what do you want to DO?” and “what kind of job are you LOOKING for?”.  While I suppose these are legit questions, if I knew the answer to them, I wouldn’t be trying to get the government’s money.  And I’d have a much cuter, newer wardrobe.  Because I’d already have another steady paycheck.  So in the meantime–while I continue to write, run errands for fabulous folks, and decide what to do with the rest of my life, I’m left to come up with various ways to make extra money.  LEGAL ways to make money.  Thanks to BFF Sarah, who compiled a list of odd jobs she diligently researched online, all while I’m sure she was supposed to be making spreadsheets and doing her MBA work.  She will someday write up my business plan, whenever I decide what that business will be!  But, I’m rambling again so here are a few of my favorites (and I mean no offense by any of these–I’d actually be in awe of any person who actually holds one of the jobs below!):

>School Crossing Guard–I’ve always wanted to have a job that involved a whistle.
>Rickshaw Driver–Kramer style.  This could TOTALLY be the new cool cab in Nashville!
>Lipstick Reader–huh???  I have no inkling what this involves, but I like lipstick.  And I like reading.  
>Ice Cream Taster–I mean, we do have Purity right here in town.  I should really look into this!  But as Sarah pointed out, I could only do this if I also operate the rickshaw.  You know, to burn off all the ice cream calories.  
>Human Scarecrow / Worm Farmer  / Fire Lookout–I don’t even know what to say to these, but they are apparently jobs that people actually have!  The Successories cubicle is starting to not look so bad…

If I wanted to relocate–which I’m not necessarily opposed to–I could do one of the following:

>Ski Lift Operator–or “liftie”.  But, I don’t know if my inability to ski, or hatred of cold weather and massive amounts of snow, would secure me the job.
>Alaskan Dog Handler–see above re: cold weather and snow.  Although, I do love dogs.  
>Shell Picker–I’m assuming this is on a beach?  Sign me up!  

And my favorite, and one that I’ll actually pursue:  Game Show Contestant!  I’m really hoping the Wheel of Fortune bus decides to roll through Music City again.  Don’t think I won’t be the first one in line.  

I know 2009 is MY year to figure out my life.  And I will.  In the meantime, stay tuned for the adventures of my unemployment.  Hopefully I can at least stay away from worm farming.  

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1 Response to The Bean on the Job Scene: Adventures in Unemployment

  1. Susan says:

    Here’s my two cents on employment ideas…Get some business cards made up that say you are the owner/manager of Bean Blogs. Your tag line is “Blogs so captivating, they promote literacy”. Of course Bean Blogs is a business that offers to write blogs for company’s websites (or whoever wants to hire you).

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