It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

No, not Christmas–although yes I stole the line from that song (or is it actually the title of the song?), and yes I LOVE Christmas.  But I absolutely love Halloween.  I mean, when else can you dress up as someone you’re not?  When else can you wear a ridiculous outfit–the more ridiculous the better–and have people swoon over you?  When else can you actually win money (in a costume contest) for looking a fool?  Well, I’m sure there are plenty of other times but this is my favorite.  

I’ve never understood people that don’t like to dress up.  I mean, why the hell not?  At least wear a wig or something.  For those of you who are “costume challenged”, here are a few tips to choosing a fabulous outfit:
  1. Are you going to be a person or a thing?  I always opt for person.  SO much easier to belly up to the food table–or more importantly, the bar–when you are dressed as Marilyn Monroe or an 80’s pop star rather than a huge hunk of Swiss cheese or the state of Montana.  Knocking drinks out of fellow partygoers hands with the cardboard box you’re wearing?  Talk about party foul.  Not to mention when you have to go to the bathroom.  Nightmare.  But, if you insist on dressing as, say, a robot circa 1972, plan ahead.  Opt for a party with close friends and know your host well.  Then you can laugh of minor crises, like knocking the bottle of red wine onto the new white carpet.  Wear something under your costume that you would not be embarrassed to show in public.  Just in case you need to shed pieces of that robot outfit along the way.  This is no time to go commando people.  Along those lines, make your costume easy to take off and put back on.  See above reference to restroom.  Hey–person or thing, at least you’re dressing up, right?!  
  2. So you’ve decided to dress up as some sort of human.  Good choice.  Much easier to manage, most of the time!  Your choices now are: am I going to be someone famous?  Movie star, politician, newsmaker, mover and shaker…am I going to be someone fictional?  Fairy tale, movie or TV show character?  Am I going as some sort of hobby, occupation, or extra-curricular activity?  Here examples would be pretty generic, which are probably the easiest to put together: hunter, roller girl, nurse, fireman, cheerleader.  The list goes on and on.  
  3. Now, a very important costume decision, especially if you are female: should I be sexy (slutty) or more authentic?  I would say that 98%* of the female population between the ages of 20 and 40 opt for the sexy (slutty) route.  At least, this is what I’ve witnessed at several parties around town for the past, oh, seven years.  I mean, if you can’t show your assets in costume, when CAN you show them??!!  This is one time when it’s easy to dress not only as a human, but as an animal of some sort.  I can’t tell you how many sexy (slutty) cats, bees, mice, ladybugs and bunnies run rampant on Halloween.  Among many others.  
  4. Regardless of what type of costume you decide on, remember that props are important, but don’t go overboard.  So you’re going as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz?  Don’t take your little dog Toto with you.  Opt for a small basket that doubles as a purse, and find a little fake dog to put in the basket.  Think your witch costume really needs that full-sized broom as the perfect accessory?  Think again.  Unless you want to help clean up after the party.  The witch hat should be enough to clue people in.  Same goes for a fireman.  Simple hats and jackets should do the trick, no need to drag the fire hose and hatchet with you.  Just think…do I want to drag this ________ around with me all night?  Will it hinder my a) dancing b) drinking c) eating d) making out e) all of the above and then some?  If you answered yes to any of the choices, then you are better off without the prop.  Trust me…if you go with the right costume, people will figure out who/what you are.  Give them a little credit.  
So, that concludes my guide to Halloween costumes.  I for one am super pumped about tomorrow.  What am I going to be you ask?  Well, since my costume box is overflowing (you shouldn’t be shocked) and I’m low on cash these days, I’ve put together a witch from past outfits.  Yes it’s on the sexy (slutty) side of things, not so much scary.  Although, me in a sexy (slutty) costume could be scary as well.  Ha!  Happy Halloween everyone!!!
*The 98% number did not come from a real study at all of any kind.  Just my own observations that were made with, let’s just say, beer goggles.
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