Bender Ball Boot Camp–week 4–Hit me baby one more time…

Ok so I got a little sidetracked with TV last night (crazy I know, totally unlike me ha) and forgot to post…but, I did weigh yesterday morning, just not blogging till now…and YAY!!!!! I’m back on track…so far. After my eating tour of Chicago, I decided to really buckle down and a) not go out to eat b) not drink during the week and c) exercise. Ok, a and b were really easy because d) I’m out of money. But, that’s a long-standing sob story, just made worse this week by the towing of the Altima (I was SO not blocking a driveway Mr. Metro Policeman) but hey lesson learned…I think. Thanks to my BFF Sarah for chaperoning me to the depths of hell to pick up the poor, violated car. You’re the best S. Brady! So…results after FOUR weeks are…

I lost THREE pounds this week! Woo HOO! So that gets me to a total so far of 9 pounds lost in 4 weeks. Which is 1 pound shy of the 10 I had hoped to lose in a month–remember, I GAINED about 10 in a month–but I’ll take it. Now, time to really get down to business and lose the 15 pounds I planned to shed before I gained the 10…am I confusing? Bottom line is, I still need to lose 15…or 20. But I’d be happy with 15. Oh and I did lose .5 inches from my waist and 1 inch from my boobs. Which could stand to go down a size or 2. Anyway again I digress…

So I was introduced to 2 new workouts by Leslee this week. Her version of pilates, which to me is kind of a snooze (I might be slightly ADD–Mom was I ever diagnosed with this? I can’t pay attention to these slower workouts–or maybe it’s just because I’m so badass I can take Leslee to SCHOOL! ha!) and the advanced core method (or tougher abs). Now, this one kicks my booty. But, I am very pleased to report, Stella and BBK (Bender Ball Kittie if you need a refresher, not to be confused with my cool friend Kittie) are back for another round. They must be gluttons for punishment. Again, Leslee continues to berate poor Stella. She is like the Bender Ball Stepchild. Kittie has the ultra flat abs, excels in all she does, and I swear I think I noticed Stella with some gray hairs. I don’t blame her! The way Leslee constantly throws her under the bus in front of all of America (or at least the portion of America that are suckers and buy crap off infomercials, which I can imagine is a pretty lofty piece of the population), I’d be silver-headed by now! So, I think I’ve already noticed my obliques firming up. Hopefully. In non-athletic terms, for all you non-athletes out there (yes I was once one of you–but see how quickly can redefine myself just by learning some lingo? haha!) obliques are love handles. But mine are quickly “melting away” as Leslee promises.

Something else funny that Leslee says–“use your arm as a kickstand”. It’s in one of the boring pilates exercises where you are laying (or lying? I claim to be a grammar junkie but that one always gets me, feel free to correct) on the floor on your side, using an arm to prop yourself up. So…a “kickstand”. I can’t help but chuckle every time she says it…Court are you out there? Kickstand haha. Anyway. I’m acting like I’m 15. So, pretty boring week Bender Ball-wise. I did get a flyer in the mail though, alerting me to my next shipment (which should be in about a month?). I will get a FREE GIFT yay!!!!!! Apparently, I am going to receive some “gliders” which appear to be 2 rubber potholder-looking things with handles. I’m envisioning some push ups which I cannot stand. But, Leslee collaborates with whoever invented these purple rubber potholder glider thingys…so that should be interesting. I wonder if there is tension between the two? Like, who invented the best already-invented-just-called-something-different workout gimmick to market to an infomercial. Can’t wait to see it! Maybe there will be an on-air catfight! Oh, I hope I hope…!

Anyway, to move on, you may be wondering about the title to my blog this week–“hit me baby one more time”. Yes, it’s an ode to Britney of the Past. Or Old-school Britney. Or Ghost of Britney Past. Whatever you want to call her. Now, those of you that know me well, know that I have always been a staunch Britney Spears fan. I have stood by her through thick and thin, through terrible song to embarrassing dance move, to many horrid decisions (ahem, K-Fed and head shaving). But I have remained a true, and recently concerned, fan. Until Sunday night’s MTV VMA performance. She totally bombed ON PURPOSE. I just know it. She acted like that stage in front of a lot of people who were pulling for her was the last place she wanted to be. I mean, Brit, for a single mom of 2 kids under the age of 2, you have a great body–but this ain’t 5 years ago. You can’t get away with sparkle bikini that you probably found on the clearance rack at Wet Seal or Forever 21 (disclaimer, I do buy many an item at Forever 21, for trendy stuff, but I would never buy an ill-fitting sparkle bikini). She totally looked like she was counting her steps (good call Melissa), and only half-assed lip syncing, and who told her that her hair–and by hair, I mean wig that she bought off the wall at Party City’s Halloween sale (was it the Peggy Sue in blonde?)–looked ok? UGH. Anyway…I digress once again…

What I really mean to say is, Britney is now officially a has-been. This could have been her chance but she blew it. And, in my deepest despair (yes I really act like these pop stars are my bosom buddies) after reading all the horrible reviews on Monday, I went walking (OMG it’s like 79 degrees now NOT 106!) and took my trusty Shuffle. Apparently, Shuffle hearts Britney. Old school Britney. The first song to come on was, “Hit Me Baby One More Time”. I definitely had a spring in my step. Lo and behold, the next song (not very well shuffled, Shuffle. Falling down on your job. But I’ll let it slide this time) was “Toxic”. Man, that song gets me going. I was almost running at this point. Then Shuffle decided to throw in some Willie Nelson. I guess Shuffle hearts Willie too. But that’s ok, because who doesn’t like a little Pancho and Lefty (sidenote: Les I totally think of you every time I hear this! You and JS karaoke…hehe)? Then back to “Stronger” by, yes, BRITNEY. I swear…it’s like Shuffle knew in it’s heart (well hard drive or whatever) of hearts that Britney would never have another hit, but wanted to celebrate the Songs of Britney Past. So thanks Shuffle, for reminding me of the good ole’ days, and thanks Britney, for long ago being someone who lip-synced to some of the best pop songs eva. You will always remain on my Workout playlist on iTunes and Songs for Long Drives so I Don’t Fall Asleep playlist.

Ok folks. Until next week. Oh and Kara, KJ, Catesby, McNeill…thanks for getting me hooked on Facebook. Y’all have created a monster. For all of you that have a Facebook “page” or whatever they are called, be my friend! Or put a message on my wall! Is that what it’s called? I’m still catching up on the lingo. Obviously, as usual, I’m a little behind the times. But I still have MySpace. I can’t just leave Tom in the lurch you know…

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s