Whew! It’s been a tough week. For someone who hasn’t exercised in, say, FIVE MONTHS, I feel like I’ve been hit by a train! Of course, in actuality that probably feels a lot worse but I’ve never talked to anyone who has been hit by a train so, nothing to compare it to!
I guess I will start with my results…then give a little insight into my daily ritual with Leslee and the her minions. I’ve lost…drumroll please…
1 inch from my waist
.5 inch from my hips (at least, I think my hips. Maybe more my butt? I never was good at measuring like a seamstress. Mom this is where I need you!)
WOO HOO!!!!! Ok, so I thought I would AT LEAST lose 5 pounds. On The Biggest Loser, which yes I do watch on occasion in the mornings while I’m getting ready for work (I mix it up–some days, Saved By the Bell, others Clean House, still others, yes you guessed it–infomercials. Never the morning news shows, they bug me), most people lose more than TEN pounds the first week! But I guess they are really hard core exercising the whole week, and most are really really really overweight. Ok, I guess maybe I watch the show to make myself feel better too! But I digress…
So 4.5 pounds for the week. Not too shabby! I did the Bender Ball workout 5 days, and actually walked around the ‘hood 3 times. Remember, it has been record-breaking heat in the 100+ temps this whole week so I have an excuse! I feel like I live in some third world country with nothing but dust and dry patches of what used to be grass and no water to be found. Even our drinking water tastes bad due to some gross algae stuff that is caused by the heat. So we are really suffering here. Ok probably not as much as if we lived in a real third world country–I snap out of drama queen mode once I’m in my nice air-conditioned car, and arrive in my nice air-conditioned office, drinking my ice-cold bottled water. I guess I don’t have it so terrible. Again, I digress. I’m pretty good at that.
ANYWAY. About the workout. There are two “videos”–both on the same DVD which makes it easy for lazy ole’ me. Yeah, that’s how bad I am. I don’t like to take the time to rewind and switch out videos. The first one is “The Bender Method of Core Training”. Here we meet Leslee Bender who “invented” this workout (funny how it’s a lot like what my fave Y instructor–the only one I liked then he quit–Daniel taught in sculpt class except without the little green ball) and promises, that with her trusty sidekicks Kittie and Stella, they will whip me into shape in no time, all while having FUN! She is so darn perky, and looks a lot like Kirsten Cohen from the now-defunct O.C. (I was an original fan of this show, thanks to my dad who talked me into watching the pilot with him–sorry to call you out on that Dad but it had to be done–and LOVED Kirsten). It’s really easy to get on board with her…at first. I start to think that she is a little beginner-level for me, and try to take it up a notch. Bad idea. Leslee is killing me. All the while with that damn Crest Whitestrips smile of hers.
I do start to laugh though–which, the way it hurt my abs, is probably good to chuckle a little during the workout. I take a mental note of this and wonder if this is in Leslee’s overall plan. Anyway–I laugh because of the way she talks to the other two girls. Kittie is “in great shape” and Leslee continues to remind us that she has had kids and a washboard stomach. Kittie does all the “advanced” moves with Leslee. Meanwhile, she is always throwing Stella (who looks like June Cleaver, with deer-in-the-headlights eyes) under the bus. Like, she is always telling us how she can tell Stella is really hurting–even in the most basic exercises–and always makes her demonstrate the easy stuff. All the while, Kittie (with kids don’t forget) is crunching away at warp speed and not even breaking a sweat. I kind of think Leslee might have a girl-crush on Kittie. Poor Stella. She’s the red-headed step-child of the bunch. But she does it all with a smile. Probably because she’s a robot. Those eyes never blink.
Second video is buns and thighs. It’s a bitch. I thought it would be the easy one, but it’s basically 22 minutes of hell. Again, Leslee berates Stella the entire time, and praises her dreamgirl Kittie. Sidenote: I have a friend named Kittie too. She’s a lot cooler than this Kittie looks. Bender Ball Kittie (we’ll call her BBK just for kicks) acts like she has achieved her life’s dream, doing sit-ups in Leslee’s purple basement. Ok don’t know why I felt the need to mention that, except to give a shout-out to my COOL friend Kittie. Who doesn’t hang out in a purple basement. That I know of anyway. Ok back to the video. Basically, it’s a lot of balancing on the ball and I’m horrible at balancing. At one point, when we are stretching our hamstring or some part of our leg, Leslee says that stretching is better than chocolate. WHAT??? I’m sorry, but that’s just ridiculous. My homegirl/robot Stella actually rolls her eyes at that point. It’s the most human I’ve seen her the whole time. I thought BBK was going to get up and kick her ass. She didn’t but that would have livened up the video a bit.
So, Bender Ball Boot Camp is not very fun, but then again, it’s not supposed to be I guess. I just wish Leslee and BBK and Stella the stepchild wouldn’t act like they are having the time of their lives. Then again, maybe they are. Which also makes me feel good about myself. I may be chunky, but at least I have a life!
So this week, I’m continuing with the videos five days a week, but think I know them well enough by now to listen to some old-school Britney and 80’s rap on my Shuffle while watching the girls smile their way through ridiculousness–hopefully, I’ll get the next video in the series within a few weeks and will at least be able to change it up a bit. I’m hoping for 3+ pounds to drop this week…which is probably very doable if I cut out the alcohol! Like the glass of wine I’m drinking right now…yeah, I’ll just finish it. No real harm done right? Oh, and we’ve had a cold snap this week–today it was only 98 degrees! So, I’ll be walking the ‘hood more often. Burn those calories. Anyone want to join?
Until next week…!