I’m back–with just a Bender Ball and a dream…

OK folks. It’s the time you’ve all been waiting for. OK well, maybe all 2 of you that have asked me in passing (and I’m sure out of polite conversation, but I take things and run with them) “when are you going to update your blog???”. Well, that time is now. Although, it will be in a slightly different format than my trashy celeb gossip write-ups from the days of yore. A little background in what I’ve been up to since, oh, last September…

  1. I changed jobs. Yes it’s finally true, but alas while I think I am finally doing something much more “me” (I’m a recruiter so I get to talk and “socialize”–i.e. network–all day) the horrible part is that I am denied access from many of my beloved gossip sites online. I had heard of this happening to all of my friends with “real” jobs, but never thought that it would happen to me! However, I AM much more busy now, so it’s probably a good thing–I’m not tortured by Perez Hilton or the fabulously hilarious writers of The Superficial, taunting me with reports of Paris’ new puppy or Britney dropping a Spawn of Federline on his head. I obviously have friends with access to these sites that fill me in all day long. I mean seriously how would I survive without this knowledge? But I digress…
  2. I’ve been traveling. Quite often, for me anyway. And not to weddings or showers or anything being thrown for other people, BUT ALL FOR ME. With friends of course; I rarely like to hang out with just myself, though I’m probably good company. Anyway. It’s been great! Now, most of these are quick weekend trips, but well worth it. And since I’ve been a)busy with the new job and b)traveling for ME, I’ve been…
  3. …skipping the Y. For like over 4 months. I don’t think I darkened the door of the place since at least April. So I quit the Y. Angrily, I might add, though I won’t get into what exactly transpired and the words that were exchanged between me and the front desk worker. Let’s just say, it was similar to the Friends episode when Ross wanted to “quit the gym” and he and Chandler ended up getting a joint membership. Well, I wasn’t going to let that happen so I put my foot down. And I did quit, though I may never be let into another YMCA again. Oh well. Bygones. So, to “get back” at the evil Y, I decided to stop exercising all together! That will surely show them!! Yeah…
  4. And another byproduct of having a fun summer where I don’t go to the Y and I travel a lot with fun friends is…drinking and eating whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want. Fun yes, good for me NO. Not that I started off with such a svelte figure (in February I already wanted/needed to tone up and lose a good 10 lbs.) but I have become GROSSLY chunky. Or just fat. And not to brag, because I’m rarely, if ever, considered skinny, but I’ve never been fat. Chunky, yes, but not fat. I’m short–5’3″ barely–and have a more “petite” frame like my mom and sisters, but I sure can pack on the lbs. So here I am. Fat and well-traveled. Now, what am I doing about it? Well…

Cut to a night back in July, or should I say early morning (2 am?). I had visited Krystal with my cab driver after a fun night out–you guessed it–drinking–and decided to do two of my favorite things. Watch infomercials and eat. I love infomercials. This is an integral part of the story. And, blasted, they only really come on in the wee hours of the morning when who is watching them but insomniacs, mothers with small babies, crazy shopaholics (I could probably be thrown into this category as well, but that is a story for another day) and drunk folks like me who have been out partying and need to be entertained while scarfing down my Krystal burgers.

So I start flipping through the channels, and am immediately bored by the gaudy jewelry, the amazing no-drip-no-mess pancake and egg flipper (which truly is amazing though I’ve seen it a gajillion times), the Magic Bullet blender (also amazing but could probably recite the entire program) and have seen the man who promotes Zap!, Orange Glo, the knives that cut anything even a ripe tomato, etc. too many times to count. I’m about to give up when…what’s this? A new infomercial? Satisfied! I put down the remote.

So that is how I was introduced to Leslee Bender and her truly amazing Bender Ball. According to Leslee and a Proven University Study (which University you may ask? Yeah, jury’s still out on that one…) the Bender Ball is 408% MORE EFFECTIVE than normal sit-ups alone! YES! I HAVE to have this! It didn’t even cross my mind that I HATE sit-ups almost as much as push-ups. But in my “tipsy” state I knew this was just the ticket to getting the slim and trim beach bikini body I yearn for. Leslee and her sidekicks were prancing around the set, toned and tan, with pearly white smiles that said without words, “my life is complete now that I have the Bender Ball”. Well damn it, my life was going to be complete too.

Out comes my credit card and cell phone. In less than 30 minutes (the lines were busy, Leslee WAS doing a great job of plugging her product at 2 am after all) I was the proud purchaser of what is surely going to give me the body of my dreams…it was to arrive in 5-7 business days…

6 weeks and 10 anxious phone calls to the Bender Ball Customer Service Center later (it was on backorder due to the extremely high demand of course), the package finally arrives on my doorstep. Sad and flat in a tiny box. Luckily it didn’t take long to inflate it to its full, 6 to 9 inches in diameter glory. We’re ready to roll.

So here’s the plan. Since 2 of you have asked me to update my blog, and I sadly don’t have the time or ability to write every day, and I MUST shed this fat from my body, I figured I would chronicle my Bender Ball experience and subsequent weight loss (it had better happen or I want my $12.95 + shipping and handling back) by way of the internet. Even if no one is reading this, I really won’t ever know, so I will think I’m letting my reader(s) (thanks Mom!) down if I don’t post regularly. I may have failed to mention–I also have a problem with willpower. Like I don’t really have any. So it’s easy for me to slack off. Which is why I need to keep myself in check with this blog.

I’ll post at least once a week, probably on Mondays, with how many lbs and inches I’ve lost. Kind of a Bridget Jones meets The Delta* Boot Camp hybrid. I’ll do this for 10 weeks, much like The Delta Boot Camp. And I’m going to try to eat less, like 1200 calories a day. Yikes. And of course, when the weather gets below the 105 degree mark, I’ll start walking the ‘hood or hiking in the park. Must have some cardio in there! But again, since I don’t have a racecar driver icepack vest** to wear while outside, I’m going to have to wait a few weeks. Summer (or is it just August?) really can be a bitch. So, tune in next week for the first update of Bender Ball Boot Camp. I’ll surely have fun stories to tell of Leslee and her sidekicks on video. See you then!

*The Delta is an upscale, expensive, celeb-laden gym here in Nashville. Nicole Kidman goes there allegedly. And some other famous people I can’t think of right now. And my friend Sarah who quit the Y after an unfortunate trainer/barbell/head incident. They (The Delta, not Sarah, Nicole Kidman, or other celebs) post billboards around town of 2 people currently in Boot Camp, tracking their weight loss and inches lost progress over 10 weeks. Which is precisely what I will be doing on this blog during Bender Ball Boot Camp.

**Some crazy runners around town have been spotted recently wearing these icepack vests that I’m told racecar drivers wear to keep them cool. The only other time I’ve ever seen one though was when I had to be a substitute for my friend who was the high school mascot. Also another story for another time. But seriously. Mascots apparently wear these too. Great idea, I must say.

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5 Responses to I’m back–with just a Bender Ball and a dream…

  1. Melissa says:

    Robin, I’m looking to you for inspiration to find my own Bender Ball (i.e. 10 pounds immediate weight loss). Don’t let me down. I know you can do it!

  2. Leslie says:

    Good for you Bean! I’ve been tempted by the Bender Ball but reality set in that I would never use it. It would go on the shelf next to the Windsor Pilates dvds that I bought (from an infomercial) in March 2004. I do believe that the dvds are still in the plastic wrap. Sadly, me and exercise just aren’t a good match. Maybe your progress will inspire me to unwrap my pilates videos and get in shape.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Robin – That’s awesome! I’ll be pulling for you… I’ll be happy to go for a walk with you in the park whenever you’re ready. I’ll also email you on the side so you’ll know who this “anonymous” identity truly belongs to! 🙂

  4. Anne says:

    Robin – you can do it! The Bender ball, eh? How ironic – a non-alcoholic, healthy “bender”!I am rooting for ya.

  5. dana says:

    OMG! That’s fantastic! Robin, go! Funny, funny girl. I’ll cheer you on from CO – though I still maintain that moving out here would cure you of the 105 heat at least – the cold might be another story, but, well, it’s not that bad. Or, you can just get an ice vest. Vests are coming back in I think…

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